Spongebob Squarepants Meets His DOOM!
by Henry Rettop
Summary: Goodbye, Spongebob your time is UP!!! *****CHAPTER 3 UP!!*****
1. The First Attempt

Spongebob Squarepants Meets his Doom  
  
  
  
  
  
A/N: I'm just writing this because I despise that horrid sponge in rectangular pants. And I needed a laugh.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Spongebob Squarepants was walking underwater with his friend Patrick. Suddenly, a giant pair of scissors fell out of the sky and cut Spongebob in half.  
  
  
  
Patrick cried and swam into the jaws of a shark.  
  
  
  
The world was made a better place!   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
THE END!!  
  
  
  
disclaimer: I AM SO GLAD THAT I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THESE CHARACTERS!!! 


	2. GAAAGH! HE'S ALIVE!

***Spongebob Squarepants meets his DOOM!!!! ***  
  
Written gleefully by: Henry Rettop  
  
A/N: Wow! I was really flattered at the number of reviews/flames I got for this, so, I made a second one, taking some people's advice and mixing it up and pooping it out. Out plopped this. Enjoy!  
  
CHAPTER II  
  
Henry Rettop was busy cackling when all of a sudden, he heard various, sickening giggles. He gasped in terror as Spongebob glued himself together and started tickling himself for no specific reason. Henry knew that he had to finish that wretched sponge wearing rectangular pants to save all of humanity as we know it. So, Henry conveniently found a bottle of Extremely Deadly Poison in his pocket. Henry walked up to Spongebob tentatively.  
  
"Hey Spongebob!" he stuttered. (actually it sounded more like "Bleay Bloopblap" because as Henry so wisely knows from experience, if you speak underwater, it sounds just like bubbles) "Want some of what's in this bottle?" he asked that dumb sponge as he brought the bottle out of his pocket.  
  
"Well, what's in it?" Spongebob stupidly asked while picking leftover poop out of his butt.  
  
"Oh, just Extremely Deadly Poison" Henry Nonchalantly answered, unscrewing the top.  
  
"Oh, well, if that's the case, SURE!" shouted Spongebob, jumping so high that he jumped out of the water and died of lack of water. Spongebob lay rotting on the seashore and a couple seagulls poked his eyes out and ate them.  
  
Henry Rettop shouted: "YEEEEEEESSSS!!!" (actually, more like: "BLEAAAAAAAAASSSS!!!") and laughed madly as he ran over that evil sponge's pineapple with a bulldozer.  
THE EEEEEEEND!!!  
  
or is it?  
DISCLAIMER: I OWN NOTHING BUT THIS WONDERFUL FANTASY WHICH I HOPE WILL SOMEDAY COME TRUE  
  
A/A: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAAA thank you for letting me relieve myself. Review!! I don't care if u flame!! But what the hey...Hope I write more!!! 


	3. The Cavalry's Here!

***Spongebob Squarepants meets his DOOM!!!! ***  
  
Written gleefully by: Henry Rettop  
  
A/N: Thought that dreaded sponge was dead? Think again!  
  
CHAPTER III  
  
Once again, we find our favourite hero, Henry, busy cackling on the seashore, as the seagulls cheerfully chirped their song in joyous celebration. A bubble surfaced from the water and popped, a strangely dressed squirrel jet-skied onto shore. She had a red gleam in her eyes that were shaded by her cowboy hat. Henry Rettop waved and was about to walk back to his beautiful mansion by the seaside with 4 towers and a built in- indoor pool and hula-hooping stadium, when he recognized that awful face.  
  
"So we meet again, Billbob." the wretched thing squeaked, putting a hand on the gun at her waist.  
  
"I'm..I'm not this Billbob specimen.." Henry said, backing away slowly.  
  
"Wanna' bet!?" the squirrel asked, approaching the trembling Henry, "HIIIIIYAAAA!!!!" the squirrel screamed, putting her hands in some sort of gesture and holding them out, shaking them vigorously, as if she was waiting for something to happen.  
  
Henry scratched his head and wondered if this squirrel desperately needed mental assistance. Then, he suddenly recognized her-SANDY SQUIRREL! He quickly picked up a rock and threw it at her. He didn't mean to throw it hard and it was but a small pebble, but as soon as the rock hit Sandy, the flailing squirrel fell helplessly backwards and got knocked out. Henry cackled, realizing that he had knocked out one of Spongebob's friends. He ran and grabbed the bulldozer that he had used to run over Spongebob's pineapple and squished the knocked out squirrel for good.  
  
Henry brushed himself off, as he got out of the bulldozer, and started to walk back home. It was at this time that he heard evil gurgling noises from behind him. Spongebob was BACK and he was gurgling water to keep from dying again from lack of water. (This was obviously not his idea since that pitiful sponge had no brain, but it was a traitor seagull who later got ripped to pieces by his fellow seagulls for betraying them.)  
  
Anyways, Spongebob grabbed Henry and started poking him robustly in the eyes. Luckily, Henry had glasses, so this only made him tumble into the water. Spongebob followed, giggling gleefully. He then planted a big kiss on Henry's cheek. Henry rushed to the local hospital and got it officially sanitized using ultraviolet radiation and hi-tech things of that sort.  
  
Henry jumped back into the water victoriously. Spongebob was there, mooning him vigorously. Henry shielded his eyes and reached into his pocket to find his Extremely Handy Dagger. He thrusted the dagger blindly out into nowhere, yet, an Extremely Helpful Fish was luckily swimming by and guided the dagger right into Spongebob. Spongebob giggle as the dagger pierced his porous skin. He pulled it out, stuck it up his butt, and giggled more. Henry took the time to barf.  
  
Luckily, a friend of Henry's, Eliza Thornberry, came aboard an ocean liner. (a friendly seagull had brought the news to her SEAGULLS ROCK!) She had an army of sponge-eating animals behind her as she plunged into the ocean. Spongebob's eyes popped out (and stayed out) an he fainted. The eyeless Spongebob was then squished by a hippopotamus who had Eliza on his back.  
  
The hippo got up and everyone stared at the huge crater it had left. There was a completely flattened Spongebob. His eyes were closed, but Henry wasn't sure if he was dead, so he called his friend, Extremely Hurtful Shark to make sure that vile sponge was dead. Extremely Hurtful Shark rushed towards the flattened, de-eyed sponge and bit him to pieces. Little bits of that wretched Spongebob were scattered across the ocean.  
  
Seeing that the sponge was dead once and for all, Henry began to cackle busily again, while Eliza snickered vigorously as she opened up a Snickers Bar and began to munch. The party of humans and sponge eating animals began to leave, when Henry received a tap on his shoulder.  
  
Henry spun around swiftly, ready to fight, when he saw that it was only Mr. McFeely, the local Speedy-Delivery Person. Seeing that it was his old friend, Henry and Mr. McFeely burst into song, singing:  
  
IF THEEERES..anything you want, if there's anything you need, McFeely's delivery brings it to you there with speed. Yes, McFeely's delivery is a Speedy deliverEEEY. A Speedy-Delivery to YOU!  
  
They repeated the chorus over and over again as different animals and people joined in. They ended up cackling madly and trampled Bikini Bottom, Spongebob's hometown during their march.  
  
THE EEEEEEND!  
  
or is it?  
  
DISCLAIMER: I AM VERY GLAD I DO NOT OWN THAT WRETCHED SPONGE, HOWEVER, NOT AS GLAD I DO NOT OWN THAT ELIZA WOMAN. THEY BOTH BELONG TO NICKELODIAN STUDIOS AND WHATEVER COMPANIES. MR. MCFEELY BELONGS TO HIMSELF, I BELIEVE, BUT THE SPEEDY DELIVERY SYSTEM BELONGS TO MR. ROGERS AND PBSKIDS AND THAT STUDIOS. MR. FRED ROGERS, THAT POOR OLD MAN, DIED IN FEBRUARY, I BELIEVE, BLESS HIS SOUL. THIS IS GETTING LONG I THINK I SHOULD STOP. OH YEA, SANDY SQUIRREL AND WHATEVER ELSE THAT I DIDN'T MENTION THAT HAS TO DO WITH THAT AWFUL SPONGE BELONGS TO NICKELODIEN STUDIOS AND WHATEVER DEPARTMENT SPONGEBOB IS IN AND THE IDIOTS WHO CREATED THAT STUPIDITY OF A BEAST.  
  
A/A: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA BWHAHAHAHAHA and HAHAHAHAHAAA!! Thank you for letting me relieve myself. This one got out of hand and ended up much longer than the previous additions. My humble and greatly assuring apologies. [insert evil smile here] Hope you enjoyed! Um..tomorrow (May 23rd) IS MY BIRTHDAY!!! YEEEHAAAW!!! Excuse the madness. It would be very behooving for you to leave me a nice birthday present along with the reviews or.. A VERY kind person could write me my birthday story (see below). That would be a very pleasant surprise and I would be really happy. Thank you for reading, more to come! *runs off singing happy birthday to self*  
  
NOTE: BIRTHDAY STORY: A birthday story is when a person who's having birthday posts an idea for a story and a kind author writes a fic on the idea for their birthday declaring somewhere in the fic (on the A/N, summary, etc.) that it was made for Henry Rettop's birthday. Okay here is my birthday fic request(s):  
  
FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE READ HARRY POTTER:  
  
I would greatly enjoy a humorous HP fic featuring Professor Minevera McGonagall's schooldays at Hogwarts. She is in the same year as, let's say..Harry's grandmother...and etc. Include Professor Vector (the Arithmancy teacher) and see if you can fit in a slight and hilarious romance between McGonagall and Vector (you can make up his first name)  
  
FOR PEEPS WHO HAVE NOT READ HARRY POTTER:  
  
I would also greatly enjoy another Spongebob-killing fic with the author as the one on the quest to search and destroy the wicked sponge. If it gets underway soon enough, I will get in contact with the author (and please do tell me if you're gonna do one of these, so I can talk to you) see if we can combine, seeing maybe his/her forces could join Henry in one of the chapters. Thank you! I would greatly appreciate it!  
  
HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY IN ADVANCE!! 


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